You can't special order awesome
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
