strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
