the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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