i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize