The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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