so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
