I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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