Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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