do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
