the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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