The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize