What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've blown a few things in my day
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
