she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
