No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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