She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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