real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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