She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
time to smoke my breakfast
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize