Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
