Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
