yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
a search helicopter?!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
