i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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