Your face is a jimmy john
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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