By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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