I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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