I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
