i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You are a genius and a whore.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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