Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
