Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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