my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
