haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
