piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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