we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
