My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
