just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize