He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
