dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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