You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
