i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
