Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
