420 ftw
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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