Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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