I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
BRING THE BAGELS
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
