dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
