We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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