i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
