he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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