You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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