i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Someone shit on the floor
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize