I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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