Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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