I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He passed out mid-signature
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
