She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
