get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
