I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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