I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
