He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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