I think I won the penis lottery.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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