just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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