it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
