She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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