hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
