did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i already hear my dad disowning me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
