Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
only you would photoshop your dick
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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