is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
