Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
