I think I won the penis lottery.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
