On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yo dont text me then not text me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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