Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
