what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Operation Purity has been aborted
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
