i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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