At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
