you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I deserve this hangover.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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