well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize