I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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