That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
NoShamevember. You game?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
