My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
