he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Still dying that you shit outside
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
