My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize