I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
